Saying No to Volunteering and Fundraising In Your Personal Time
The Wisdom of WOC is a weekly advice column where the WOC Community can submit its questions about fundraising and philanthropy, and have them answered by our founder, Yolanda F. Johnson, and special guest editors from the WOC community.
From Our Mailbag
Q: How do I handle volunteering outside of work, for fundraising activities at school or church? I don’t want to be the go-to person for all fundraising, all the time.
— Anonymous
A: This question addresses what I call “the curse of competence.”
When you are known for your professional skill or expertise in one area, it is almost inevitable that your friends, family, and colleagues will (repeatedly) ask you to perform that professional task, as a personal favor, for free.
While it is flattering to be recognized for your prowess in fundraising, it is flattening to have to repeatedly remind folks that:
you are paid for your fundraising skill, and
fundraising is not the only thing you do in your life.
Fortunately, most people are not deliberately trying to be annoying, and they usually don’t realize that what they are saying is that your work isn’t valuable and that they don’t believe your talent is worth paying for – even though that is exactly what they’re doing.
What’s more, they may believe that by providing you with the fabulous opportunity to provide volunteer fundraising services for their nonprofit organization, this will provide you with waterfalls of referrals, internet-busting viral exposure, and hordes of clients, more than you ever dreamed of!
They are doing you a favor, right?
Wrong.
These incredible results never materialize. But try not to be frustrated, offended or guilt-tripped by their requests.
Instead, understand that it is your job to establish your personal and professional boundaries.
I am an estate planning attorney, philanthropic consultant, and a director of development at a university.
If (like me) you have made significant personal sacrifices and invested time, and money into your career, you have an obligation to yourself to honor the shedding of your blood, sweat and tears.
It should be part of your self-care routine.
You have to let folks know that the acquisition of this knowledge and the development of this expertise came at a cost to you; consequently, sharing this skill with others will come at a cost to them.
In your free time, you have the right to do something different that brings you joy.
If they respect you, they will understand that you cannot donate your time, talent, and energy because your skills pay the bills.
As a result, you have to figure out ways to convey your decision, firmly and without guilt, and then stick with it.
So, what are the problems with providing your fundraising and development skills for free?
First, if you fundraise for free for one non-profit organization/friend/family member, you may well be “compelled” to do it for free for other non-profit organizations – especially if that non-profit/friend/family member delightedly informed other folks that you did it for them for free.
Yikes!
Second, the non-profit/friend/family member for whom you did it for free will ALWAYS expect you to do it for free.
They will come back to you next year, and the year after that, and the year after that.
Double yikes!
Third, if there are any problems, conflicts, or issues that come up during your tenure, it could negatively affect your relationship with that friend or family member.
Mixing business with family and friends can be challenging.
When working with that person’s nonprofit, you may end up “crossing lines” and dealing with complex emotional issues while navigating business issues.
Awkward family reunion yikes!
Fourth, you may be legally restricted from participating in actions that would require registration, like running a raffle in California.
In California, if you are a “commercial fundraiser” or a “professional fundraiser,” (these are legal terms of art) as part of your day job, your professional insurance may not cover you for incidents related to your volunteer work.
See the California Attorney General’s website for Charities for more details.
Bankruptcy yikes!
So how do you tell people that you don’t want to be their volunteer fundraiser?
“No” is a complete sentence.
You need not say any more than this to get your point across.
If your policy is not to work for free, then that is your policy, and you should stand by it.
…Understand that it is your job to establish your personal and professional boundaries.
However, since a one-word answer like “No” usually offends people, here are some other ways to communicate your position.
First, ask about their budget for this project.
If they say “uh, we don’t have a budget,” let them know that you have a specific amount of time (and energy) allotted for volunteer fundraising/pro bono work, and you have filled up your slots for this year.
However, if you say this, know that they could ask you to put their nonprofit organization into your “volunteer slot” for the next year (tricky, tricky!).
To avoid this, alternatively, you could simply state that your paid fundraising work keeps you very busy, and that you do not have enough daylight in your calendar to take on this role.
This also helps remind people that they are asking you to give away services for which people normally pay you.
Second, you could reply that when you are volunteering, you like to do things that you don’t do every day.
It is easy to get “burned out” doing the same thing all the time.
In your free time, you have the right to do something different that brings you joy.
Until the pandemic arose, I volunteered on my church’s Hospitality Committee, where we provided food and beverages after the church services and for special events.
I loved baking and working with this wonderful group of women to give comfort and joy to our congregation.
Food is love!
When you are turning people down, you can also give them links to free information that might help, such as Stelter, Classy.org, and other nonprofit resources, so they don’t go away empty-handed.
Finally, if you know of other fundraisers who will do pro bono work, you can refer your friend/family member/non-profit org to them as well (only do this if you are certain that they will work for free, otherwise your colleague will not thank you for sending them a non-customer!)
But what if you can’t say no?
Sometimes, you just can’t turn people away.
For whatever reason (like the three “Ds”: death, divorce, and disease), you may feel as if you must help your friend or family member.
You have what one of my colleague calls “a soft No.”
When you are asked more than once, your “No” turns into an “Ok, I’ll do it.” 🙂
And that’s ok.
If (like me) you have made significant personal sacrifices and invested time, and money into your career, you have an obligation to yourself to honor the shedding of your blood, sweat and tears.
But you still need to ensure that you are still assigning a value to your craft and adhering to your professional and personal boundaries.
Have your friend/family member schedule an appointment with you during your business hours so they remember that you are a professional fundraiser, and that this work is your bread and butter.
Have them call your assistant, go to your Calendly on your website, or give them your business card, so they realize that they are contacting a real business and asking for professional services to be rendered.
Then you have a few options.
Option one: Reduced fees - during your meeting, give them your one-hour-free consultation period, and let them know that if they need more time, they have to pay for it.
Tell them the services you are willing to provide, your fees (you may wish to provide a “Friends and Family” rate that is NOT free), and other information needed to take them on as a client.
Option two: Reduced time - I am aware of some professionals who will provide free services for friends, but only as much as can be done in a few hours on the weekend or another specified day.
This way, you are limiting the amount of time spent on a task that does not generate revenue for you.
Option three: Trade - can that friend or family member trade services with you, e.g., accounting? landscaping? plumbing?
If you can obtain a valuable service from them that you actually need, this could be a useful exchange.
I have a friend who is an estate planning attorney who is exchanging her services for personal training – it is a win-win for both of them.
Conclusion
I hope these tips help you break “the curse of competence” and live with the gift of guilt-free clarity.
Whether you hang up a “no free fundraising sign” in the window, or volunteer to do one freebie fundraiser per year for your grandmother’s church, your decisions about how you utilize your hard-fought and much-deserved hours of blissful free time are (and should always be) your own.
State your case and stand by it – you’ll be glad you did!
This Week’s Expert
Carí Jackson Lewis, J.D., LL.M., C.S.P.G., A.E.P., TEP, Founder and Principal of California Philanthropic Consulting
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